My situation

So I did't wanted to get to this posts again, but I really need this now.

I feel sad again. But not that type of "sad for a day." I don't even know how or why, or I might do, but at the same time is so confusing for me. I' pve never wanted to give details about my life because I think is silly and the content doesn't really matter. But know I'm so afraid and lost I need to tell somehow what is going on.

I wish I could say my own problems bother me, but is actually my parents. My parents legal problems to be precise, and since I'm over 18 I must take legal action in all their demands. I don't even understand them but I'm involved and not only that I live in the other side of the planet and I'm supposed to "do something." And of course both of them ask me to be... on their side... which is also stupid.

I used to be afraid to say this, but I guess it doesn't matter anymore because I think I'm living with this forever, I had a depression. I used to sleep everywhere all the time and anything, anything would make me cry. I remember the worst feeling was that I didn't wanted to do anything, I wished I could stay in bed all day. I am very stubborn, and thanks to that I saved myself, but I used to have really bad break downs and that's what I fear the most now.

I have nok clue what to do, or how to solve this. My parents have been arguing for about 9 years... 9... and we haven't just deal with legal shit but also personal things. I wish all of this was a nightmare,  I wan't this to stop so bad that I'm willing to do anything.

The worst part is I'm keaving the dream, my college, living alone, new friends, a new culture but I feel so alone and anxious. I need my friends, or my sibilings but they are doing what they are supposed to.... keep going with their lives. I shouldn't expect people to take care of me, I should be able to do that, but I feel so small and weak.

I usually think all of this pain is going away or that I will be able to bare with it, but each time something like this happens I feel more and more broken. I spend my days locked in my room not letting anyone know whats going on with me. I put a smile, and you could ask anyone and they would tell you I'm a very happy person, but on the inside I feel like dying. The truth is I never expected this to happen again, but I've learned the hard way that life puts us tasks and I know this is a new on. The thing is I really don't know if I'll be able to do this once again.